Choiceless Strengths

A066CEC4-5094-474D-8051-9E31B6BD35C3

I came across this post shared by a friend and it truly touched me.

I think if you see me on a day to day basis… and if you don’t know my personal story, you’d never know anything was wrong. But for those who do know, a few times I’ve gotten the question “I never knew you were having such a hard time – how did you do it [get through it]”

As I reflect on what 2018 has brought to me… I would say the #1 thing is strength. I got the strength to stand up for myself and pull myself out of a really bad situation. But how did I stay standing all these years through all of it? I weathered lies, I weathered theft of sorts – my name being used (illegally) without my knowledge to obtain things that actually belonged to me, I weathered a lot of emotional abuse… and what most don’t know… I weathered physical abuse as well. I weathered fear, and being alone, and not having complete support from those closest to me when I needed them the most. I weathered fear of rejection from society. I weathered having to come to work every single day and smile. And save lives. When I could barely muster up the desire to save my own.

So how did I get through it? I don’t know…

I wasn’t given a choice. 

But through it all God knows I gained a world of strength and a no-nonsense tolerance.

I know everyone is fighting a fight that perhaps others don’t know about. We aren’t given a choice… and it’s when we are in this position that we find a way to survive. So all I can say is #keepfighting #therewillbelight #decenttimeswillcome #eventually

I wish everyone the best and oh yes…

Merry Christmas!

Advertisements

Parents vs Caretakers

5E987913-CC9D-45CB-88FD-2A3CEF28C3E4

Recently I’ve come across so many examples of parents who truthfully do not deserve to be parents. There, I said it.

Just because God gave them a fertile set of anatomical parts they procreated. And it’s sad.

That being said I want to distinguish today, the difference between parents and caretakers. Parents can be caretakers… but caretakers cannot be parents.

If we really break it down, those who give birth are usually considered “parents” but let’s be honest – that’s just biological. Being a parent… the connotation associated with the words “mom” and “dad” are much deeper than popping a human out. There’s an emotional component to it. There’s a financial component to it. There’s a selfless component to it.

Parents are empathetic. They feel their children’s ups downs and needs. Caretakers can at most sympathize only. You don’t have to be a CPS involved abusive parent to be a bad parent. Neglecting your child’s emotional needs, or constantly making them feel like a burden – including financially – creates invisible bruises.

If you have children because “it was time to have one per society” or “you’ve been married for x number of years” or “you want someone to take care of you in old age” then these are selfish reasons to have a child.

If after having a child you take care of it because it is your moral obligation to do so… then you’re not a parent. You’re a caretaker. You’re doing something because it’s your job to do so… not because you emotionally feel invested in that human being that you do things for it without any expectations.

If you complain about the financial responsibity of having to pay for your own child’s needs, education, special events in life… then you are not a parent. You were just a caretaker who ensured that person didn’t die. Otherwise, that person has had to fend for themselves and find their path alone. Even poor people who have no money will go to sleep on an empty stomach so long as their child is fed. That’s a parent.

If you feel like spending money on your child is taking away from securing your own financial future. Or if you feel like your child took away your “free” time or “fun” time… then you’re not a parent and you’re a horrible person for birthing a human only to make them feel like a burden.

It takes a conscious decision to get pregnant… and it takes 9 months for a baby to be born. Even after birth there are adoption centers (where there are caretakers just like you!) to raise your offspring. My point is… there are many ways to NOT have to deal with this so called burden. If you cannot love your child and prioritize them over all else, if you don’t feel the drive to do for your child, and if you feel like your child is a burden then you don’t deserve to be a parent. You should have never given birth… but unfortunately now that you have let’s get one thing straight:

You don’t deserve to be called “mom” or dad” cause ultimately you’ve been nothing more than a caretaker who complained the entire time you were doing your job.

And sadly you have no idea what kind of mental impact that would have on your child because you were too busy worrying about yourself.