That moment…

I’m in that moment… in life…

Sudden changes potentially looming in my very near future. I sit snug, comfortable in the life I have now… the life I’ve been living the past 6 years. Yet I’m choosing to potentially leap, intentionally… from the known into the unknown.

I don’t know where I stand. I don’t know at this moment what the future holds and it scares me. Will I like it? Will it be the right decision? Will I regret it and miss the past? Or will it be the best decision ever?

I find myself overwhelmed. There are just so many things to do. On the Career, extracurricular, and home fronts… suddenly life has become majorly multitasking.

Can I handle it? Yes of course. I was practically born to field multiple things at once. But when there isn’t stability in even one sector of life… in the moment it’s overwhelming. Now that could be a good thing… or bad… who knows

Let’s see I guess 😬🤞🏼

#hopingforthebest

Advertisements

Lost

89a1f456-7385-46cc-bda9-031661b93902A couple months ago I had this conversation with a girl… just starting off her 20s… about accepting our partners for who they are. As I had been observing her behavior over the course of that weekend, I realized how lost we all are as humans.

So let me tie all the above statements together.

First and foremost no, I do not believe we should accept our partners or the people we want to be with for who they are…

What?!?!

You read correctly – if there is a factor that goes against our beliefs, there is absolutely no reason to accept that factor in a partner. And if that person is happy with that particular aspect of their life, then sure respect that, no judgement… but then it might be time to find a new partner.

I do believe that it is important to digest and accept a person’s past – because the past cannot be changed. If a person is willing to make changes for the better, then the past is just that… a fact… but just the past all the same. But accepting behavioral patterns in someone just because you like them… is not a good idea.

Why? Cause love and lust frankly don’t make the world go round. Cause when the love and lust are done and you’re looking to start a family and responsibilities get involved… you have to weigh the consequences of that behavioral pattern… and ensure that it won’t lead to conflict. It also many times results in one partner feeling taken for granted. And secondly, as I’ve said before, Love is a privilege… not a right.

Finally… it’s “my” life. Why should I force myself to just “be okay” with someone because I “like” them. How long is that “like” going to last everytime I have to internally roll my eyes when what I perceive to be a flawed action occurs?? It may not be a flawed action to other people, but if it is something I can’t digest once all the love and lust is done… then “accepting your partner for who they are” is actually just a disservice to you both.

That being said… I don’t think it’s approriate to impose your views onto someone else. I think it’s ok to present them… with logic and hope that your partner will see your point… but that’s about as much as we can do… after all the partner is an adult too…

Now speaking from the partners perspective… I genuinely believe that we are all lost… in one way or another, whether we know it or not… all of us are trying to find our way… we are all writing our own stories… and our life stories are, afterall, a journey. So when we meet someone who “let’s us be as we are” we find ourselves slipping into complacency… and for most… that actually gets really boring. I think we are all looking for perspective… looking for motivation, looking for someone to make this journey much more fulfilling without making it feel like a chore. That doesn’t mean I want someone to hound me into doing random things… but again, just having multiple point of views… learning new thugs and being englightened, these are things I do think we all secretly want. Having a motivational spark ignited should feel fun… not like a task mom is forcing you to complete… or an obligation against one’s will…

I genuinely believe, perhaps from my own experiences… that when this occurs (and especially when it occurs two directionally)… that’s when a partner – with whom the option of spending forever is possible – has finally been found. “The chosen one” should never be one who leads us to a state of complacency. He or she should be someone who motivates us to be the best version of ourselves. Who motivates us to get up and do things for someone other than just ourselves.

2018

D12E6952-6667-40F6-804D-560C8200D2B5What a year it was…

I spent it discovering the unknown… and though there were some really strong lows… it was mostly a “highs” year… cause good trumps evil and happiness finds it’s way 😄

With that being said I want to touch on one thing that I learned/discovered this year… and that is my own strength. Not as a bragging point but truly as something I discovered because I genuinely didn’t know I had it. As I reflect back on my past year… and what I have overcome… I am shocked by it because I never knew I had the ability to overcome such hurdles. But somehow I managed to persist. I learned how to overcome my fears and step into unknown territory… I learned that I was self reliant and that having a partner is a choice that needs to be respected by both parties… having a partner should not be a need or a cultural/societal demand. I took steps to fix and better my own life… and I realized that was the biggest lesson. Other people, not friends… not family… and not mom and dad… no one, no one is going to fix life for you. If something isn’t working… you have to do it yourself. You have to stop moping around and pick yourself up. You have to figure out what’s wrong and eliminate it. And then you need to improve it by replacing what was eliminated by what you need. No matter how scary that may seem.

With that I also found the meaning or feeling of love this year. Not just infatuation. Yes there are butterflies and those infatuation based emotions, and love and etc… but I also learned how it feels when someone else is willing to oversee your every flaw and put his or her love towards you first. Despite any disagreements or fights… he still always wants to end each day with love. And with me. I now know what it feels like when someone can’t live a day without you and God knows that’s an amazing feeling 🤗.

With the bad filtered out… I’m hoping for 2019 to be the year of good things. But let’s see (cause I don’t want to jinx myself).

Happy New Year y’all!

p.s. as I scroll through my newsfeed on fb I see everyone’s posts about what they learned this year as well… and those are really nice to read ☺️

 

Choiceless Strengths

A066CEC4-5094-474D-8051-9E31B6BD35C3

I came across this post shared by a friend and it truly touched me.

I think if you see me on a day to day basis… and if you don’t know my personal story, you’d never know anything was wrong. But for those who do know, a few times I’ve gotten the question “I never knew you were having such a hard time – how did you do it [get through it]”

As I reflect on what 2018 has brought to me… I would say the #1 thing is strength. I got the strength to stand up for myself and pull myself out of a really bad situation. But how did I stay standing all these years through all of it? I weathered lies, I weathered theft of sorts – my name being used (illegally) without my knowledge to obtain things that actually belonged to me, I weathered a lot of emotional abuse… and what most don’t know… I weathered physical abuse as well. I weathered fear, and being alone, and not having complete support from those closest to me when I needed them the most. I weathered fear of rejection from society. I weathered having to come to work every single day and smile. And save lives. When I could barely muster up the desire to save my own.

So how did I get through it? I don’t know…

I wasn’t given a choice. 

But through it all God knows I gained a world of strength and a no-nonsense tolerance.

I know everyone is fighting a fight that perhaps others don’t know about. We aren’t given a choice… and it’s when we are in this position that we find a way to survive. So all I can say is #keepfighting #therewillbelight #decenttimeswillcome #eventually

I wish everyone the best and oh yes…

Merry Christmas!

Parents vs Caretakers

5E987913-CC9D-45CB-88FD-2A3CEF28C3E4

Recently I’ve come across so many examples of parents who truthfully do not deserve to be parents. There, I said it.

Just because God gave them a fertile set of anatomical parts they procreated. And it’s sad.

That being said I want to distinguish today, the difference between parents and caretakers. Parents can be caretakers… but caretakers cannot be parents.

If we really break it down, those who give birth are usually considered “parents” but let’s be honest – that’s just biological. Being a parent… the connotation associated with the words “mom” and “dad” are much deeper than popping a human out. There’s an emotional component to it. There’s a financial component to it. There’s a selfless component to it.

Parents are empathetic. They feel their children’s ups downs and needs. Caretakers can at most sympathize only. You don’t have to be a CPS involved abusive parent to be a bad parent. Neglecting your child’s emotional needs, or constantly making them feel like a burden – including financially – creates invisible bruises.

If you have children because “it was time to have one per society” or “you’ve been married for x number of years” or “you want someone to take care of you in old age” then these are selfish reasons to have a child.

If after having a child you take care of it because it is your moral obligation to do so… then you’re not a parent. You’re a caretaker. You’re doing something because it’s your job to do so… not because you emotionally feel invested in that human being that you do things for it without any expectations.

If you complain about the financial responsibity of having to pay for your own child’s needs, education, special events in life… then you are not a parent. You were just a caretaker who ensured that person didn’t die. Otherwise, that person has had to fend for themselves and find their path alone. Even poor people who have no money will go to sleep on an empty stomach so long as their child is fed. That’s a parent.

If you feel like spending money on your child is taking away from securing your own financial future. Or if you feel like your child took away your “free” time or “fun” time… then you’re not a parent and you’re a horrible person for birthing a human only to make them feel like a burden.

It takes a conscious decision to get pregnant… and it takes 9 months for a baby to be born. Even after birth there are adoption centers (where there are caretakers just like you!) to raise your offspring. My point is… there are many ways to NOT have to deal with this so called burden. If you cannot love your child and prioritize them over all else, if you don’t feel the drive to do for your child, and if you feel like your child is a burden then you don’t deserve to be a parent. You should have never given birth… but unfortunately now that you have let’s get one thing straight:

You don’t deserve to be called “mom” or dad” cause ultimately you’ve been nothing more than a caretaker who complained the entire time you were doing your job.

And sadly you have no idea what kind of mental impact that would have on your child because you were too busy worrying about yourself.

Nobodies and Somebodies

C3C7FDB8-F946-4ACC-9392-416B6878BBD6If a person spends more time trying to fit in or please the people who don’t really care/superficially care about him/her

Instead of recognzing his/her own boundaries

Or instead of caring about the feelings and wishes of the people who DO care about him/her…

Then he/she is taking the later category’s existence in his/her life for granted.

If he/she values the people who can replace him/her over the people who find him/her irreplaceable…

If in his/her head….the nobodies are somebodies and the somebodies are nobodies then what’s the point of the latter sticking around?

 

Preserving Indian Culture

E2AFC4E0-77B6-4F3D-A60C-DE7D0BBA92EDAs we celebrate Diwali and even over the past few months, various Indian holidays… a few things have been coming to mind. Especially since a lot of times many Indians (peers as well as parents) constantly question my understanding of what’s going on, often times assuming I don’t know anything… and many times assuming that it must have been hard for my parents to maintain the Indian culture. However when I look around me… I find myself to be very Indian… sometimes more “Indian” than some Indians around me.  That’s when I realized… that either my idea of “preserving culture” is wrong… or theirs is.

So then I have to ask… what does preserving culture actually mean? What is Indian culture anyway?

(The following may be offensive to Indians unless they sit and think about what I’m asking before reacting. But after being on the receiving end of several offensive generalizations I feel like I have to respond on behalf of myself and my fellow ABCDs.)

Does preserving culture mean knowing how to celebrate each and every major or minor holiday and festival that comes along? Does it mean speaking the mother-tounge perfectly? Just because a person grew up in India… does that automatically mean they’re “cultured” and any POI/ABCD is automatically not?

Let me ask this next. When it’s not Ganesh Chaturthi, or Diwali… or even a birthday… how many “cultured” folk actually go to a temple just because? Not to ask for anything but just because they are grateful for whatever God has blessed them with. How many understand the concept of leading a God-centric, or if not religious, then a spiritually-centric life as opposed to a self-centric life?

Religiously speaking – How many have actually studied or at least read the Gita or upanishads or vedas?

Lifewise speaking – How many have actually refrained from smoking, drugs, alcohol, or premarital or promiscuous behaviors mommy and daddy tell you not to engage in?

How many have sat with their parents and uncles and aunties and participated in full blown discussion from a young age when guests were over instead of just sitting up in their bedroom… or choosing to just go out and stay out with friends?

Ch16 v. 21 of Gita states “Tri-vidham narakasyedham dvaaram naashanam aatmanah
kaamah krodhastatha lobhas thasmaad etat trayam tyajet“

So how many behave selflessly… act for the greater good? Refrain from greed, lust, jealousy, and other vices?

How many are faithful (physically or emotionally) to their marriage? Are you doing anything that would make your spouse or partner uncomfortable?

How many people think about how they behave or what they say to their spouse… And how those things may affect the relationship or their spouses feelings?

dharmam chara” – How many people at least attempt to follow the ‘right thing to do’ as opposed to the ‘easy thing to do’?

I could keep asking a lot of questions but that’s not the point.

I’m not perfect by any means. I’m not super Indian by any means though I try. I’ve made many, and I mean innumerable, mistakes. And honestly, I didn’t grow up in India so yes – there is a lot I also don’t know… and a lot of Indian culture (life wise) learned by living in India… is something I won’t ever have. But I’ve always tried to live and improve my life by self study and introspection. How many people truly understand the meaning of the Sanskrit word “swa-adhya” (self-study). Of thinking, understanding, and accepting their mistakes and learning from them?

Many people state that I’m very opinionated – and it’s true… it’s because I sit down and think about the concepts and meanings behind things in life. I don’t just mindlessly act without knowing why or why not I’m doing something. And therefore – I have an answer to my own question and I know (right or wrong) what preserving culture means to me.

I think whether someone is preserving a culture or not depends on how they choose to live their every day life. On a daily basis – Not only when festivals roll around.

So before pointing fingers at me or insulting my parents attempts to actually preserve Indian culture by raising me to behave a certain way on a daily basis – pay attention to your own daily behavior. Or your kid’s.

Cause honestly there’s an actual way and a superficial way to preserve your culture.

Break – poetry

1C9F1FB5-435D-4E1D-BA4B-268AB6C68889

Amidst some pretty stressful times for many people, including myself on all points in life… I just wanted to address that you don’t always know what’s going on with another person… things may not be as they seem. Life may seem perfect for an individual but that doesn’t mean it’s that way on the inside… even with the most loving and supportive people around you… sometimes your mind really is your worst enemy. Especially when you struggle with depression (either genetically or environmentally triggered) – environmental stress factors can eventually become really difficult to deal with. You don’t know what each person is hiding behind their smile.

Be kind to others because everyone is fighting their own private battle…

Just because someone is strong doesn’t mean they are unaffected or not struggling

—————-Poem————-

Smile, “Hello!”, Interaction

break.

Drive, Music, Jam

break.

Shop, Nice things, All mine

break.

Work, Success, Money

break.

Dance, Party, Enjoy

break.

Hugs, Kisses, Romance

break.

Smile, Laugh, I’m ok

break.

Friends, Family, Partner,

break.

All the things in the world, Life is perfect

break.

Yet stress, And loneliness

Overpoweringly break.

”What happened?”,  “Oh no!”

Nowwww everyone’s awake

My Hero

My Hero.

My hero is the personification of kindness. Of having a big heart. My hero loves with the passion and intensity that justifies the emotion. My hero cares about the things that matter to me. My hero protects me, stands up for me, shields me against the world. My hero is strong yet simultaneously gentle. My hero literally saved my life (cause my life is innately such a movie). He opened his heart to me amidst a difficult situation. He gave me the chance I deserved, without judgement. He saw me for who I was. He saw my soul, not my baggage. Most importantly… He fearlessly plunged into the swamp of fear, uncertainty, distrust and bitterness and retrieved the lively, bubbly, talkative, and vivacious version of me that existed 4 years prior.

In summary:

He listened. He loved. He protected. He saved.

He gave me back myself.

And he didn’t stop there. He worked on giving me the ability to trust again. He worked hard to coax me out from the darkness and into the sunlight.

Even his imperfections played a heroic role giving me the ability to finally exercise my own feminine nature – of nurturing, loving, caring, and guiding.

Maybe he’s just being normal… cause that’s what normal people do when they love someone. But to me he is extraordinary. He’s done all of these things that weren’t easy and crossed each obstacle… always victorious, always standing tall.

Always standing behind me with unwavering support.

Unwavering love.

How else do I describe a hero? I couldn’t until now… but now I have: He’s the person who leaves a constant smile on my face.

My Hero.

E1B1A4F2-C931-45AE-AFB0-4F8D69B40682

Investigate

So now, especially now, I have to say that when you suspect someone of playing games, or being shady… your hunch is almost always right.

Therefore always investigate further.

No matter how much the other person complains and tries to make you the bad person for being “annoying”… always investigate why you suddenly have a bad feeling.

Who knows… your story’s antagonist may be committing an illegal crime against you right behind your back. And while all bad acts eventually get caught… wouldn’t it be nice if they could get caught sooner than later?

So yeah… life tip #739927373: investigate all doubts and (bad) hunches