Stand. By. Me

As women we face so many hardships just EXISTING. Seriously it’s like the universe hates women. Whether it’s our own bodies traumatizing us on a monthly basis or dealing with the male dominated world… we persevere… we manage to keep surviving, staying strong, and getting through each day seemingly effortlessly. Being a female is NOT easy… so what makes it worse is when people think they can sit around making this difficult existence even MORE difficult.

Lets take gender out of the equation for a second and just focus on the fact that we are all just human. Some people have gone through WAY more hardships than we can even begin to imagine. Loss, abuse, hurt, neglect… don’t even begin to fill the list. Dealing with such situations, overcoming them… and trying to get on with life is a HUGE achievement… so anyone who likes to be silly and poke fun… and sure this happens in friendship… but know your limits. Every person is sensitive… just because you’re privileged and haven’t had to deal with these things doesn’t mean you get to be insensitive. Know what is too much… know what jokes go too far… you never know when your seemingly harmless words are going to push another person to the edge. When someone says stop… STOP. It’s not funny.

Dealing with anxiety and mental health issues is the most traumatic thing a person can go through. It’s so abstract you can’t put some ointment on it and cover it with a bandaid. It creeps up on you, the more you try to distract yourself the more it pushes its way into your thoughts, your brain. If someone got hit by a car with multiple broken bones, profusely bleeding… would you walk up to them and then start beating them up even more? Spitting on them? Kicking them? NO! You’d call 911 or help! So it’s not okay to verbally beat up someone who has mentally been through hell and back. What kind of barbaric person would do that??

Now back to females and males. If you’re a male and claim to “stand by women” and support women and praise women’s strength on a public platform… you better be doing so in private as well. Being one thing to the world and then turning around and privately making inappropriate/hurtful/harmful/vulgar comments is SO not cool. If you’re gonna stand by someone publicly… you better stand by them privately as well.

As a woman I say, if you’re gonna stand by me… do it completely… if you’re a hypocrite… don’t stand by me at all. Peace ✌️


L.O.V.E ?


What is that feeling exactly? I don’t really know if there’s a spelled out definition… but I do know in a nutshell how it should feel.

Love shouldn’t hurt. Ever. It should never feel suffocating, it should never feel like something you want to run away from. It should never feel like a repetitive cycle of negativity. Everything related to love should feel good. Or rather amazing. When Love is around… there should never be even a moment of doubt regarding whether you want it or not.

Love should be where your preference lies. It’s what you’ll choose in your sleep every single time. Even when something bad happens… a fight, negativity…. your temperament might temporarily get affected but love will never get affected.

Love (not infatuation) should really feel like a high. It does feel like a natural high. It should leave you flustered and blushed. And despite the ups and downs… you continue to feel in love… continue to fall in love every day… time and time again just like you did the first time.

Love gives you butterflies… every single time… regardless of whether it’s been a week, a month, 5 months, or many years. Yes, butterflies are real. And they’re not temporary.

Love makes you want to sacrifice for another, love makes you want to compromise, it makes you want to support and take care of another. Love is the only power in the world that gives one the ability to shed their identity and accept a new identity, to become the new identity despite having the old identity for decades.

Love is a real thing. It ALWAYS feels good. Even in a blah situation… it feels comfortable… it feels good. If it doesn’t feel good… it’s not love.

So make sure it feels good. It feels healthy. It makes you thrive and doesn’t kill you.



Privilege. Something someone has… something that could be taken away.

Being loved by someone is a privilege. And so many people take it for granted. Being loved, feeling loved, just knowing that there is someone out there who wants to be with you, wants to hug you, take care of you, wants to be taken care of by you. There’s someone out there whose world revolves around you… who is in awe of you… adores you, admires you… who would stand up for you… and hold your hand in the toughest of times. Knowing there’s someone out there for whom you are not replaceable… cause trust me you’re replaceable to most rest of the world. There’s someone out there to whom your words and actions mean something. And knowing no matter how you behave they still love you, still want to be there for you, still would give an arm and a leg for you. So many people just assume they’re entitled to love when they’re getting it.

I’m sorry but does anyone actually realize that there are people out there who would be grateful to experience even 1% of the love mentioned above? There are people out there who have had to beg for love, love that they deserved…and still never got. People out there who are so depressed from neglect, hurt, and emotional abuse that they literally cry alone and have NO ONE to comfort them. To help them feel better. Has anyone actually sat down and thought about how that would feel?? One loving gesture means the world to someone who has experienced neglect.

Neglect. That feeling is so hurtful I don’t wish it on anyone. I don’t think any neglected person could describe the feeling even if they wanted to. It’s a feeling that can’t be described… and only those who have suffered it would understand how it feels.

So be grateful if someone loves you. Because while maybe you wouldn’t understand the feeling… trust me, Love is a privilege. Something that shouldn’t be taken for granted.

On deaf ears

Everyone has their ups and downs in life. Some more so than others. In the cases where life keeps kicking someone while they’re already down… it becomes difficult to keep trudging on. Someone could be the strongest person on the planet but after getting kicked around for so long sometimes people just lose their shit. Is that really so wrong? Is that really their fault? Isn’t that person actually REALLY strong considering how much they managed to survive, how many years upon years they managed to survive before they finally broke down?

Often times I see people labeling these folks as “crazy”. These folks can’t cry cause then they’re crybabies. They can’t be angry cause then they’re bitchy. They can’t talk about it cause no one has time (or care) to listen. Who do they turn to? Who do they talk to? So they bottle it up fearing judgement. Pretending like everything is ok. Pretending to be happy. When the bottle explodes they’re crazy. When they hurt themselves… “what normal person would do that?”. Bullshit. No one knows what degree of thinking, what degree of reasoning, what degree of courage, and what degree of helplessness someone reached before something happened. No one knows (sometimes) what degree of abuse someone tolerated until something happened. Suddenly this person becomes someone no one wants to deal with. Society gossips. Society doesn’t help.

It’s ironic… all it would take is some love and supportiveness to turn said “freak” back into a “normal functioning human”. I know… cause someone held my hand. Continues to hold my hand. But for those who don’t have help… pushing these people away, judging them, labeling them just pushes them deeper into that hole. Is it really that hard to just be there for someone? Someone that once was an extremely strong and wonderful person. Someone with whom life wasn’t fair. Someone who wasn’t privileged enough? Labeling people creates anxiety. It stops people from reaching their true potentials. Stops them from being happy, which in turn stops them from progressing, excelling.

And even when someone is lucky enough to be healing there are good days and bad days. They don’t disappear overnight. You can’t erase what someone went through with a flick of the wrist. Sometimes it’s hormonal. Sometimes it’s Post Traumatic Stress. Sometimes both. Sometimes it’s something else.

There’s nothing wrong with these people. Maybe it’s the world that is wrong. Maybe it’s time the world learned how to be supportive and loving. It’s hard to heal when a cry for help falls on deaf ears. I was lucky. Most are not.

Maybe it’s time the world changed the way mental health is perceived.


As the new year settles in I sit back and think about how much has drastically changed in the past year. 2017 has been a ridiculously rough year, with so many ups and downs… not just for myself but also for many of my friends from what I can tell.

For me personally, I experienced a lot fear, doubt, uncertainty, confusion, loss, I lost my self confidence somewhere along the way… this year was filled with a lot of frustration and many things that I just couldn’t understand why they were the way they were. I could have said that 2017 was one of the worst years of my life … if it weren’t for the last 3 months of the year.

After the storm, the last three months suddenly brought love, peace, forgiveness, freedom, security, strength, and confidence back into my life. I suddenly discovered myself, who I am, and what I am capable of weathering. This year brought THE most beautiful people into my life, new friends, reconnecting with old family. Truthfully I’m overwhelmed by the amount of love I have experienced this year. I am overwhelmed by how much support I have experienced this year… and I’m grateful the last 3 months of 2017 have melted my heart and allowed me to feel and experience things I never thought possible again…

Through all the bad I have learned that love and good does definitely still exist and it does definitely prevail. And for all these reasons 2017 perhaps was a year of growing and lessons… and because of the people who stepped into my life… I guess I could say it was one of the best years of my life as well…

I’m excited to see what 2018 has in store… hopefully it’ll go above and beyond 🙂


Why is it that people innately feel the need to play games with the people in their lives? Whether that’s parents, significant others, friends, siblings, classmates, enemies, competition…

In playing games we become manipulative and cunning and snide… achieving thrill and happiness when someone else gets hurt or insecure. How can this be a good thing?

How much easier would it be if we were all just honest and straightforward? No need to make anyone feel insecure or jealous or unworthy or lower. Why is it so difficult to just trust that the people in our lives are there cause they want to be, and they will always be there so long as you are true to them. It would be so much more lovely if we could spend less time manipulating situations and more time loving and being openly and sincerely involved in the people around us.

Games are such a turn off.

*Rohit B – insightful nightly discussions with the bestie… thanks for stimulating my intellect ha

** this post is not based on any personal recent occurance – it’s purely a thought 


We live in a society where it’s easy to get into something but difficult to get out.

We live in a society where our credentials, potential, morals, values, and personality don’t matter. The only thing that matters is society’s standards.

Suddenly one person’s reputation/image/place in this world is defined by someone else’s actions.

There exists the suffocating claustrophobia created by a black and white world. How is one to stand up again under this pressure?

But some of us are lucky… good past Karma? A good heart?? Because then sometimes someone comes along that takes the time to show us color 🙂


It was one of those days that I literally just wanted to jump off of a cliff.

So many things to do. Being an independent human is no joke.

For the longest time I’ve been running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off… errands, work, hobbies, doctor’s appointments just things I need to get done. I’ve been hustling from one place to another, one thing to another, barely remembering to breathe. I don’t have time for breaks right now. But it’s been okay cause I’ve been able to manage.

Tonight however just as I got into my car to get to the next thing I had to do… it just wouldn’t turn on. The battery was fine, but the engine just wouldn’t start. It’s like my car thought it was being broken into, and just killed the engine. I called everyone from friends, to family, to dealership to try and get help… but no one could help me, either they didn’t know what to do or didn’t have the time. That’s when I realized that no matter how independent and capable I am… what I really am is helpless. I realized, as a female,… the importance of having someone there with you. Men just don’t react the way women do no matter the pressure. We balance each other out. When it really comes down to it… I don’t have a single soul here to help me out. I’m in a city far from home… alone.

As I sat in my car bewildered by the situation… all the emotions I had been suppressing within myself, denying, just hit me all at once. As tears rolled down my face,  that feeling and fear of being alone, of being scared, of being… helpless came over me. That feeling of being alone, scared, helpless, and not having a comforting hand to console me and to fix the damn situation left me feeling more frustrated than ever before. I realized how small and insignificant I felt facing this much bigger world… face to face.

I can only thank God that I was at home and didn’t end up stranded in some random parking lot.

Damn situation. Damn life -_- … oh and damn car.

Thankful on Thanksgiving

Every so many years I have the habit of discussing the current important people in my life. Yes, everyone is important to me but there are a few people who have gone above and beyond in making my life worthy of living. 2017 was the year that I learned how strong and progressive society is, and how much people will stand up for what is right. It’s the year I learned that good too exists. And how supportive people can be. I present all the people I’m thankful for this year:

1.) My family

Mom, Dad, Brother. The constant from birth. The support, the love, and the strength they have shown in supporting me through everything I needed to do. They come first before all else, and never will I allow them to be put in a compromising or sad situation because of me ❤

family blog

2.) Swiss family

We met for the first time after nearly 15 years and thank GOD for that. My second set of parents, but also my Dada and Vahini… my Vahini being more like my sister than an in law. I don’t know how I lived all these years without you prominently in my life, because now I cannot imagine a single day without you two or the kids, and every single day I think about you several times. Especially Ketaki, you are the first person I talk to about ANYTHING before I even tell my friends or parents. I love you all very much ❤


3.) Anna Athwal

My absolute all time best friend, girl friend, true couple, sister, basically one of my everythings. Nothing proceeds unless she approves of it. My better half. No words are enough words to describe who Anna is to me so I’ll leave it at that. I’m just beyond grateful that I have a sister like her in my life ❤


4.) My San Diego Friends and Theater/Natak Circle

This past year has been testing… but you have all stood behind me ferociously like family should. If each and every one of you weren’t there… I don’t know what I would have done without you. The amazing times we have spent together and will continue to spend together going forward, you all are truly my family and a major chunk of my life literally revolves around you all.

natak *Several people missing from this photo

5.) My Dance world

My classmates, co-dancers, my Guru Meenal Chakradeo (who is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met), Her Guru, everyone I met at retreat this summer – literally everyone who is connected with me via dancing – you have helped motivate my passion for dancing and in that sense given me another purpose in life that makes this life worth living. I am so grateful for this passion, and so grateful for all the people who partake in it with me.

Dance Photo Blog

6.) Bay Area

Here’s a surprise entry that just barely made the cut hahah… (time wise). Somehow at my lowest point life delivered to me the most necessary thing… some of the most amazing people. Life gave me those who were supportive, experienced, and loving. Life gave me people who would stand through rough waters with me even when they didn’t have to. In a short period of time, I found out that I had more space in my heart for more extremely wonderfully (sarcastic) people.

*minus nikhil cause he’s not bay just photo madhe alay 😛

7.) India Public

This year I’ve had the chance to meet and bond with some really amazing people from India. Those who started off as complete strangers to me, but within a few days became like family. The bonding, the care, the support, the love and most importantly the hugs ❤ I gained many Sisters, Brothers, and Global Best Friends 🙂

WhatsApp Image 2017-11-23 at 2.51.01 PM.jpeg

8.) LA Public

Ashay and Dholu – Doesn’t take a long time to make friends with people that share the same interests/hobbies as you, views on life as you, and have the same fun as you! Thanks for your shoulders, and thanks for the circulating motivation to keep up with our hobbies 🙂 Thanks for being good friends 🙂


9.) Medzzz aka Medha

My dearest cousin sister from literally since I was a 1 year old. Years and decades of good memories, my closest friend in the family I love you very much my love. And I have been grateful for you since the day you were born 🙂


10.) Aditya the Genderless, Omniscient, Omnipresent 😛

I have to include him because he is literally the one person who has known me the longest and has been the biggest non-blood related constant in my life. We hate meeting up in person and will probably NEVER meet up in person whether he lives 9 hours away or 5 minutes away (which was a majority of our lives) unless it’s a matter of life or death but he’s perhaps the only person who would be able to accurately write my biography.

pi *now this is a really old inside joke – so old that I don’t even remember what the joke was… but Adi see if you can remember…. all I know is that this was a big deal back in ’08 #paragraphsign


** Poetry **

I stare, it stares back at me
How long has it been?
Just let me be, just let me be
Isn’t wasting away a sin?

I don’t want it
I let it sit
Skipped like others before it

I walk away
Same as day after day
I know it’s rude
To neglect food

But what can I do?

Although it’s wrong
The Desire is gone

I hope it’ll be back soon